Excerpt #1 - To Light and Guard

Here is the entire Chapter 1 of To Light and Guard.  (There may be a few edits before the book is released.)
          

Copyright © 2013 Piper Hannah

            “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.  Someone was trying to kill me.”   My psychiatrist, a woman in her fifties with dark green eyes, just stared at me.  Trust me.  It wasn’t the response I was hoping for. 

I leaned back against my chair and waited for a response because that was how conversations are supposed to go.  I say something, and she should say something back… but shrinks were paid to listen, weren’t they?  Maybe she was just doing her job then.

Why am I here?  Well, I’m here to answer this million dollar question:  Am I crazy?  I think the jury is still out on that one, but before I leave her office today, my psychiatrist will definitely answer that question.  

“I wasn't trying to kill myself.  Someone was trying to kill me,” I said again.  Only this time, I said it with force - with conviction.  Maybe the second time around, I can get a verbal response from my non-verbal shrink. 

Dr. Anne McKenna’s gaze traveled from my face to my bandaged left wrist, arching one eyebrow.  I gulped.  So, we both knew why I was here.

 “Okay.  That looks bad,” I said as I lifted my left wrist, showing her the bandaged reminder of a knife slicing my wrist five days ago.  “But there is a perfectly good explanation.  This is not what it looks like.” I shook my head for emphasis.

What are the odds of shrinks believing their patients anyway?  Right.  Stupid question.  She’s probably thinking that I’m really messed up in the head right about … now.  

Dr. McKenna flipped a page of her notepad. “Tell me about your family,” she said.  She clicked her pen. 

  I sighed.  My family wasn’t the problem, but her question was expected.  Didn’t all problems start at home? 

“They’re great.” The entire Harper family wasn't to blame.   The blame was all on me – little eighteen year-old me.  Let’s just say I’m special.

“My parents are perfect, but believe me, that’s not always a good thing,” I said rolling my eyes.  “My little sister, Emma, she is two years younger than me.   She lives a very charmed life.  Very intelligent, outgoing, a bit dramatic and moody sometimes, but…” 

I paused. Was I coming off resentful towards my little sister? I had so many problems that I didn’t want another mark on my long list of unresolved issues.  I bit my lower lip.  I’m now embarrassed for the things I just said about my sister.   

“Don’t get me wrong.  I love my sister.  I’m not jealous of her, okay?  I mean we are exactly alike.”  We had the same long, dark brown hair cut by the same hairdresser since we were in third grade, the same brown eyes.  We had the same smile rescued by the same orthodontist in seventh grade, the same shoe size...  The list was endless on how we were the same, same, same… but I wasn’t here to talk about my sister. I was here to talk about myself.

Dad always said that ‘time is money.’ How true he is in this instance since he will end up paying Dr. McKenna’s hefty bill. So, I had to remember, while I was in this room, time is definitely money.  I should get to the point then, and save Dad some money.

“I used to see white feathers everywhere; big feathers, tiny feathers, in my room, around the house, outside.  I always thought that the feathers were from pillows, but the feathers…”  I leaned forward in my chair and whispered, “they were from… angels.”  I had to force the words from my mouth.  It isn’t easy for me to open up like this to strangers.  Let’s just say I’d rather be at the dentist getting a root canal - whatever that is.

Dr. McKenna frowned.  “Do you see angels in here?” she asked.

“No, and don’t get me wrong.  I could only see one angel.” I held up one index finger.  “Just one.”  And a bunch of demons, but I’m saving that jolly tidbit of information for much later.  I think she needs a moment to process the information.

“What does your angel look like?”

 What an angel should look like.  “Divine,” I said with a perfectly straight face.

 Dr. McKenna smiled at that, but unfortunately, I wasn’t trying to be funny.  

“When did you first see your angel?”

“About four months ago. It’s strange, but when I first saw him, I kind of knew that we were supposed to be together.  Although, even then I already knew that we were only supposed to be together and not that we would ever be.  Do you know what I mean?”

Dr. McKenna didn’t answer my question.  Instead, she looked down and scribbled something quickly in her notepad.  I frowned.  I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.  This session was not going good unless her notepad only had doodles.  I leaned forward in my chair trying to decipher her notes; apparently, I couldn’t read backwards, and her scribbles were definitely not doodles. 

Would it be so difficult to believe that I was able to see one perfectly divine angel?  We were in Los Angeles, for crying out loud.  This was the City of Angels.  If an angel were to appear, I think that it would be here.  I’m just saying. 

 “So tell me about your angel,” Dr. McKenna said. 

She didn’t appear condescending, and she wasn’t laughing at me.   She didn’t even blink as she waited for a response.   I took a deep breath, gearing up to tell her my story from the very beginning, and I wasn’t going to hold back.  

“Wait.  Everything is confidential, right?”  I asked.  Dr. McKenna nodded.  That’s how shrinks roll.  If I weren’t so sad, I would have smiled.

All righty then.   Here we go…         

“It all started about four months ago.  It was going to be just another ordinary day in Los Angeles. That was the plan..."